A few days back (27th August 2019), I turned 23 years old! Old right? I know.
You know, a few years back, I always have this anxious feeling when my birthday came. When the clock strikes 12, I always have this uneasiness the whole day. I felt unwanted, unloved and all those negative feelings. I don't know why, I just feel that way. I always blame myself on things I shouldn't blame. I was ungrateful. That's that. I don't know why, I even mandrem myself like 'You are loved, Afifah. you are special the way you are. Even if you feel not enough, you are blessed with things that some didn't get.' and all that jazz. But that anxious feeling stays. So i hated myself. I would cry myself to sleep everytime my birthday came.
Since - I don't know when - I started to seek the best in everything. I started to persuade myself that God will never let you feel the way you feel. God is fair, just and merciful. He is the Most Gracious. He will never created one being just because to insult him/her. There are blessings about you that others might not have. Allah blessed His creations with different blessings. Do good and good will came to you. Believe. And since then, I started to feel at ease. I started to feel good about myself. Even when somethings may work differently than what I have planned, I am annoyed, but after a few times, I started to think that there are good behind it. Just have faith. Don't give up, try again. God you have no idea how calm that makes me feel.
When I started to be grateful, everything that happened seems so right.
So this year, when my birthday came, I didn't really feel anything. I was just jokingly remind my family that tomorrow is my birthday - annoyingly. Lol. They were annoyed 😂 So that night, I was Netflix-ing and sleepy so I slept. Then my boyfriend called me. I was so all over the place when he called that I don't really paying attention to what he was saying. Then I take a look at my watch and realized it was pass 12 AM. And I was like 'hello it's my birthday, why don't you wish me?!' and he said, 'I did baby, you're so sleepy ke that you didn't hear?', while laughing at me of course. So he said happy birthday and just asked to sleep and that we will meet the next morning. He posted a picture of me on his Igstory. That thing alone, made me feel so blessed. The next morning my ibu came and wished me happy birthday. Then my friends whatsapp-ed me. It just hit me that, I have a very happy family, which some didn't have. I have amazing friends & I have a wonderful boyfriend, which some didn't have. Just how blessed I am.
The whole day I feel contented. I was feeling the best! My family are amazing, my friends are wonderful and my boyfriend is simply the best. What could I ask more? God has given me everything I need, so did I once feel not enough? I hate myself for that.
The things is guys, be grateful. Allah knows the best for you. You just need to be patient, have faith. Allah never fails His creation. We failed him instead :(
So I had a great day, below are some pictures on the day I spent with my boyfriend and family.
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| So good yums |
Hope you guys get to feel every love in the world. Other people may seems like they have everything, they have the perfect life and everything about them is just so wonderful. Just tell you heart, some people may feel the same way when they see you. Have faith, just be kind and have courage. Guess where that from hehe
Love, Fyfah
